Tag: success

Angry, tired and frustrated

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Discipleship, Encouragement, Spiritual, Uncategorized7 Comments

I had all sorts of great titles running through my head this morning but they wouldn’t have been honest.

I have been sick for the past week.  Suffering from vertigo, looking at perhaps a long recovery time.  Hearing the words I’ve written to others but not feeling them, not believing them.  Remembering the dreams and hopes that I laid down, taking them back off the altar and wanting so bad for them to come true.

So, this morning I face a new day.  I am debilitated.  I weigh too much.  I am so out of shape and so far from what God designed me for.

A light breaks over my heart right now, in this moment.  It is the backdrop for the cross in my life.  Will I pick it up again?  Will I deny myself and follow Him?  I’ve seen too much, been through too much to believe that my will can accomplish anything good.  I struggle and fume, maybe this time, maybe I’ll win.

Satan throws at me every self-made man, every wealthy success story.  Those who have the cars, the house, the power position.  He lets me know what he offers.

And I reject it.

I want to be the hero of my own story.  I want to be the one who submitted his will so fully to Jesus that He has only to nudge and I’m there, He has only to call and I’ll answer.  I want to be the one who lays everything down and lets JESUS shine through.

That’s a life worth living.

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I’m not going to make it

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Discipleship, Encouragement, Spiritual, Worship3 Comments

Ahead of me, the colonel continued his merciless pace.  I was running with my head down, unable to concentrate, unable to notice anything that was around me.  After a mile and a half or so, I noticed I was running next to one of the best guys I’ve ever known.

My response to this was, of course, to start complaining.  As I gasped for breath, I said things like, “killer pace,” and, “I can’t breathe.”  Finally summing up my situation by saying, “I don’t think I’m going to make it.  I suck at running.  I’m never going to be as fast as other people.  I can’t do this.”

Now my unit had around a hundred people in it.  The battalion had around 400 people. This was a brigade run.  I don’t know how many people were running together at the start but it was a lot.

“Look behind you, Matt.”  That was all he said.

When running with your unit, you basically see the back of the man in front of you.  If someone falls out, you move up to the person that was in front of him.  I saw before me two rows of people, about eight to ten guys.  The colonel was gasping for air, sweat pouring off of him.

When I looked behind, I saw no one.

“Don’t quit,” he said.

Anybody struggling with addiction?  Is there anybody whose marriage seems to get no better?  Is there anyone who thinks they will never be a good christian, a good father or mother, a decent human being?

You may think you’re not going to make it.  You may think that everyone is doing better than you.

Just don’t quit.  You’re doing just fine.