I am tired.  Overly so.

I’ve been sick for the past  week and a half.  I still am working 50+ hours a week.  Worship was great this past weekend but also exhausting.  I am “hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.”

Now it feels a bit melodramatic for me to quote this concerning my life of relative ease, but I’m feeling it.  Family, finances, future are huge concerns that seem to weigh on me every day.

And I know I’m not alone.  Many people wonder what is going to happen next, politically, in the world, at schools and jobs.  No one is exempt from wondering how everything is going to get paid for.  And, every family has their nut cases.  Now you’d think that I wouldn’t be worried about that one, since I’m the nut case but imagine the pressure I must feel in trying to protect and guide my children away from my socioneuropathy (I made that word up I think).

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

We don’t lose heart.  No matter what happens to our outward body, Jesus, as we fix our eyes on Him, is renewing us day by day.  And in us, God is achieving an eternal glory.  A beauty and power that will out shine our darkest days.

I’m not willing to walk timidly into my day.  I am not cowed by the circumstances and trials.  God is working a victory in me, in you.


A Song Breaks Through

See, I shout at the sky but I’ve got no where else to run to.  I have tried to deny God but find His presence insurmountable in the face of the vast body of evidence I encounter everyday.  I have attempted to deny His power over me or His concern but find His will invasive, His truth so domiinant.  Determined to shut myself off from all that are around me, only to hear the echo of their cries, the yearning in their eyes to plaintive to ignore.

So with trembling hand, and willful heart I reach out.  With quavering voice and downcast eyes I admit my need of Him and declare once again the immutability of His faithfulness.  And His voice breaks through.

“Oh my God, he will not delay, my refuge and strength always.  I will not fear.  His promise is true.  My God will come through, always…always.” (Kristian Stanfill – “Always”)

His presence comes so seldom in my strong times.  I sense Him so infrequently when I have no need.  But, oh He is good.  His love does endure forever.

So then tomorrow, I’ll get up in the morning and go to work.  I’ll log on to my computer and run the circle again.

And…His song will break through.