Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Most people wish there was more passion in their marriage.

And, I’m not just talking about sex.

We wish for a return of the goosebumps, the increased heart rate, the involuntary smile when our other crosses our mind.

And we want to see the same response in their eyes.

And when it isn’t there, we blame.

We chalk it up to faults in the other person, in ourselves, the demands of our day to day, the fragility of love.

I was talking to God about it the other day.  I have a list of “blames” that sound like self-deprecation but really are just my way of blaming Him.  And after going through my liturgy, He surprised me by asking this question.

“Why can’t we be friends?”

I contrast my ideals for a perfect marriage with my relationship with my kids.  I never really think about a greater passion for them. 

The other night my boys got together with me to watch football.  We ate pizza.  Talked a bit. Turned on the game.  One fell asleep.  The other two were on their phones most of the time.  We just had fun hanging out.

Hold on!

Is God saying, or am I saying, that the way to a better relationship is to just not set the “bar” so high?  Don’t expect anything?  Don’t even try for intimacy?

Nope.

I think what He is getting at is that we need to pursue presence first.  Passion and purpose will follow.  Don’t blame, but let faults draw us toward each other’s needs. Reject distance and all forms of self-defense, considering the other worthy of our sacrifice.

And every day…

Do it again…

Unknown

Sometimes, as I write, I think of the audacity that is evident.  That someone like me could attempt to express God in any terms, to think that my intellect, my words could simplify Him, make Him more approachable.

That would be my goal in writing.  Whether it is a novel or this blog, my hope and prayer would be that something I say would help you see Him more clearly and know how much He loves you.

But, it can be difficult to put God into terms that any of us can really grasp.  I mean, He’s eternal, omniscient, omnipresent, pure love, absolutely Holy!  All things that our humanity can only catch glimpses of.

And, the reality is, I’m a mess.  As I face daily struggles, much of it stems from the fact that I don’t understand Him.  I don’t believe that He is for me, not against me.  He is my amazing father, my King of kings, my Savior.

And so I come to you, hoping that I will help you see what I can’t see, help you know what can’t be known.

Funny.

But that is the pursuit of the Christian.  To seek Him, to know Him, to believe Him and what He says, even though we are hindered at every step.  So much like marriage.

I love my wife and she loves me.  I am male and she is female.  Nothing about me makes me capable of really knowing and understanding her.  But should I accept that and become complacent, I lose her.  That I won’t do.

So, I will pursue You, Lord.  Though I don’t understand and can’t wrap my head around You, I will continue to try.  Simply because in that pursuit, I find You and walk closer to Your side.