Coward

I can be totally immobilized by fear.

Seriously!

The one time I went into combat, we heard shots in the distance and I laid down and went to sleep.

When I know that my family must have the best from me, that I must make the decision to stand and be counted, I lock up.

Fear can just paralyze me.

Today, I found myself feeling that way.  Locked up, couldn’t think.  My wife grabbed my hand and prayed.

She prayed for courage and wisdom and her prayer went straight through me, into me, surrounding me.

Was it her voice?  The words she chose?  The touch of her hand?

Those were ingredients in the process, I’m sure.  But they can’t take credit for the power that welled up inside me.

Jesus loves me.  He loves my wife and family.  He’s on my side and He actually doesn’t care how perfect I am.  He knows me.

As Paul said, we find that His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  We seem surprised by that.  Like, maybe it shouldn’t be that way.  Maybe His strength should show up when we are strong, when we are doing great, when we are on fire.

But, His Kingdom is much more like a wife who holds her failing husband’s hand and admits the need for more of Him.  

His Kingdom is more like He’s at the center of it than we are.

And in that, even I can be brave.

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Are You Growing?

Did you know that cellular growth is not so much a factor of cell size but of cell numbers?

How’s that for a catchy introductory sentence?  Still with me?

As a christian, I have spent many years wanting to be a really great christian.  I wanted to be smart, to know the bible really well.  I wanted to be free from sin, not such messed up person.  I wanted to be wise and strong, a great prayer warrior, a loving father and husband.  I put a lot of time into developing me.

The end result was less intelligent, less free, less wise and strong.  My prayer life was damaged and skewed.  And I was too selfish to love anyone.

Exemplified in one picture of our family.  We were young and had no money but my wife wanted a picture of us.  We had to spend money on a new haircut (a mullet no less) for daddy so that he could look good for the picture.  Such a waste.

The past few years I’ve been reaching new territory in my walk with Jesus.  Why?  The churches that I’ve served in have always been about reaching people, about helping others.  The roles I’ve ministered in have always been about teaching and loving.  I think, and I might even be correct, that the difference is that it is less about me and more about them.

Are you struggling?  Put your armor on and pray.  Are you hurting, get on your knees and reach out to those around you.  Have you lost your desire?  Take up your cross and follow Him.

Cellular growth with no purpose is called cancer.  Cellular growth with self in mind is called hypertrophy.  Cellular growth where the body is fed is called normal and healthy.  Even if the cell itself is flawed, healing takes place as it stays connected to the tissues, the body surrounding it.

What kind of cell do you want to be?  Maybe I’m small, and my function is so miniscule, but I don’t want to be cancerous or hypertrophic.  I want to feed those around me.

We Give You

I write because I want to share what Jesus has done for me and through me.

I sing because I can’t seem to stop.

I laugh because God brings so many wonderful, silly, amazing things into my life.

I tithe because I don’t think this stuff is mine.

I practice because I want to get better.

I don’t quit because I know, one day, I’ll get through.

I pray because I know God hears me.

I read because my mind can’t slow down, can’t hear God’s voice.

I wait because Jesus is worth waiting for.

I don’t understand.  I hurt.  I get confused.  I can’t hear, can’t see, can’t believe.  But, God will make things clear.  He will show the reason for why, the purpose behind everything.  And I will trust Him, because He is ALWAYS faithful.