Tag: love

Family

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Discipleship, Encouragement, Spiritual, UncategorizedLeave a comment

The holiday season brings families together all across the world.  That’s where the trouble starts.

What a broken, messed up, ruined system.  Absolutely doomed to failure.  Dysfunctional parents raising dysfunctional children all throughout history.  You look at most of the heroes of Judaism and Christianity and then look at their kids.  Wow!  I mean wow and YIKES!

So why does an all-knowing, all-powerful God believe that the family, a husband, a wife and children is the best way to assure an environment where love, joy, nuturing, goodness, and life could be experienced?

And, it would appear that very few experience those things in a family.

Parents shake their heads at the “stupid” things their kids do.  Kids blame their parents for all the “wrongs” done to them.  Everyone feeling like the problems would be solved if the people in their lives were just different.

What makes a beautiful song?  Is it one that never strays into the relative minor?  Is it one that never displays dissonance, syncopation, complicated melodies or harmonies?

I don’t think so.

The best place for me to learn love, real, Christ-like, agape, self-sacrificing love is in the crucible of my very flawed family. And if I can see them as a gift, instead of the ruined, broken, sinful people that everyone of us truthfully is, I take one step closer to the heart of God.

And that’s why He believes in us, as fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters. I think He knows that if we will choose love in the environment where the deepest hurts can occur, that we will choose love as we make our way in this crazy, messed up, dysfunctional world.

But hey, what do I know…

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Perfectly Imperfect

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Discipleship, Encouragement, Spiritual, WorshipLeave a comment

We have a small picture of my wife and I when we were just getting ready to leave for our first real date.

How did someone that drop dead gorgeous ever say yes to going out with a mook like me?!

And how do I repay that kindness, that audacious blessing and gift?  I’ve done a pretty poor job of it, so far.

Today is a new day.

Despite the fact that we didn’t turn out the way I had planned, scarred and bruised, sometimes angry and afraid, we were held.  We were held together by loving, strong hand.  Not our passion for each other, not our faith, not our commitment to holiness.  We were held.

We had passion for each other, an understanding that even when we were hurting and furious, we still loved.  We would forget.  We would say things to lash out, to guard our wounds, simple revenge.  Our passion could’ve killed us.

We both had faith, a faith that God brought us together, planned for us to meet and fall in love.  We would lose sight of that in the face of our selfishness, the lies we listened to, our humanity.  We had to be a divine mistake.

We were good people.  Hard working, church going, servants of Jesus.  But in this, I was the worst.  Going back to pornography, alcohol, oh the many ways that men “check out.”  Holy?  Hardly…

Ah, but today is a NEW day.

I can remind myself.  I can look once more at the face of my Father, see His grace and mercy. Be grateful for all He has done. I can look back at who we were and see better who we are right now and choose to love.

And let myself be held.

Not a perfect system I suppose.

I think I can LIVE with that.

Our lives may not go down in history, Our story may never be heard. But it doesn’t matter and I’ll tell you why, Our names may not fit into any love song, But her hand fits just right in mine.

Shattered and Broken

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Discipleship, Encouragement, Spiritual, Uncategorized, WorshipLeave a comment

Life is complicated.

The answers that humanity gives us are often complicated too, leaving us confused, without any real sense that we’re any closer to truth. The simple platitudes and cliches we hear betray us in that, despite the temporary warmth they provide, we know there’s more. More that’s required of us, more that has to happen, more that we still aren’t understanding.

Don’t worry, be happy.

Look on the bright side.

They’re in a better place now.

God is Love.

Be Holy as I am Holy.

So many.

Granted that the last two are quotes from the Bible and so are absolutely true, they are both tossed around by people, good, well-meaning people, to say things about God and life that are absolutely not true.

Does God demand that we come to Him through the cross of Jesus Christ? That, though He is love, His holiness requires a compensation that none of us can afford?

And does His holiness require a level of holiness, perfection, spiritual enlightenment from us before He can use us, before He can really be a part of our everyday life?

I think, if we’re honest, and we say yes to the first question, we must say no to the second.

And, just so we’re clear, yes is the correct answer to the first question. Which means the payment for us was paid and we are given a choice to have a relationship with God, or not. And that choice has eternal ramifications.

But, to my point, can we ever say that we have reached a point where God can and should use us?

The best of us are shattered and broken. The stories we love to hear, the legends, often cover the humanity we are embarrassed by. And when the humanity is revealed, we become angry and disillusioned. Anything good that was done or said is destroyed, discredited.

Can we not take joy, comfort, peace, strength, boldness from knowing that God is using us, is speaking through us, is shining out of our broken and shattered lives? Can’t we silence the lies of our enemy with the truth that it is never about us, never for our glory, only about Him? His mercy. His grace. His glory.

P.S. I love this video for the song itself but also for all the long-haired, tattoo covered, weird and crazy people I see singing in honor of my King and letting me know I’m not alone.

You’ve Got My Attention

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Discipleship, Encouragement, Spiritual, Uncategorized, WorshipLeave a comment

Her little eyes peeked over the edge of the table. The blueberries she loves were just within reach between the two oblivious, conversing adults. A smile lit her eyes as she quickly grabbed a handful and stuffed them in her mouth.

Then . . . she waited.

I had seen her and she knew I was watching but she wanted to make sure. I sharply (playfully) called her name. She scampered away laughing and I laughed too.

Now I always cringe when I compare my actions to God’s. After all, He is divine perfection and I’m, well, not.

Lately, I feel like God has forgotten me. I work, sleep, eat. Nothing I do seems to matter, to make an impact on the world around me. I try so hard and no one cares.

I cry out, “what do You want from me?” And no answer comes back.

Until I watched my granddaughter. I had watched when she walked over, watched when she got lower and crawled up to the table. I waited till she peeked over the table. I saw her every move. She has my attention as soon as she enters my house.

I don’t have to cry out for God’s attention.

He’s never taken His eyes off me.

Terrified

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Discipleship, Encouragement, SpiritualLeave a comment

My wife turned a significant age yesterday.

It’s a reminder of our mortality.

I was terrified the day we met. Knowing, without a doubt, she could never love someone like me.

I was terrified the day I realized I could never live without her. Knowing she’d be better off without me.

I was terrified the moment I asked her to marry me. Everything inside me told me I was crazy to even ask.

I was terrified as I saw her walking toward in that beautiful white dress, shaking uncontrollably. What was she thinking? This couldn’t be real.

I hide it well but terror has been my constant companion.

Through four children, potty training, baptisms, teen years and empty nests, it has caused me to treat her as an enemy, a threat, a distant unknown, my nemesis.

She is none of those things.

I just wanted it in writing to remind myself. I don’t want to waste another second that I have with her.

Bad Reputation

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Discipleship, Encouragement, Spiritual2 Comments

Insert Joan Jett video here.

I’ve heard multiple people how they were in line or walking down the street or some such scenario.  In the story they run across some foul-mouthed person (probably worked in a factory or paper mill) and they set them straight.  That language offends me or my children or a lady or something.

I keep thinking about that idea in the face of our current world situation and I’m trying to figure out how to justify it.

Right now, our world is crying out.  So many are afraid. So many angry, depressed, lost. They’re calling on the government, on health organizations, on doctors to save us.

They aren’t calling on Christians.

The reputation that we have is one of judgment, condemnation, short-sightedness, stupidity, well, you get the idea.

And on the part of many Christians, we want to point them to Jesus, to the bible as the answer to the world’s problems.

I don’t know about you, but I get the feeling He’s pointing the finger back at me.

We get this mystical idea that He’ll move in world events, change the heart of the president, sway the vote, remove the sickness, eliminate sin and poverty.

That’s not actually how He tends to work.

Oh sure, He CAN! But…

He invaded the earth. His Spirit invaded the budding church. And He left! But He left His Spirit in us.

This leaves me short of breath, heart pounding. That means when He said ‘go’, He meant me. When He said He would be with me, it was AS I was going.

So I need to GO!

We may have a bad reputation. But if we go, with the love of Jesus burning bright inside us, maybe we can shine it up a bit.

Unstoppable Love

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Spiritual, UncategorizedLeave a comment

There are some amazing people in the world. Some that I am blessed to call my friends. Their passion for Jesus and love for people is inspiring. But more than that, they never give up.

I need to stop here. We hear those phrases, the meaningless cliches and we relegate people to category of weird religious zealots, pollyanna, saccharine sweet, smile all the time, unreachable.

People like that don’t inspire me.

My heroes of the faith are normal people who stepped out of normal living. They face down criminals, reach into horrible places with love, touch people that we would rather not even acknowledge the existence of.

I see them as people who, if God told them to, would step in front of a train, and stop it. They would take a bullet for you. They face things courageously that would make this soldier hide in a corner.

One such couple is Reuben and Michelle Zook working with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) in Indonesia as the organization Unstoppable Love International.

The more I’ve come to know them and hear their stories, the more I want to be like them. The more I want to help them. They are allowing the love of Jesus to flow through them and people are being set free. Slaves, REAL people who are being bought and sold, find freedom. They are given safety, a chance for classes and vocational training to support their children so that the cycle of slavery is forever broken. They lovingly but without compromise stand against pimps, corrupt officials and spiritual forces, very real demonic attacks.

They sacrifice their health and talents all because of love.

And they need help.

Check out Unstoppable Love Int. And please consider supporting them.

https://www.facebook.com/UnstoppableLoveInternational/

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Remember

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Encouragement, Spiritual, UncategorizedLeave a comment

“I’ve been lately thinking about my life’s time. All the things I’ve done and how it’s been…” Poems and Prayers and Promises (John Denver)

I remember as a small child going for hikes in the woods around the farm where we lived. I would get lost but was never afraid. I knew I’d find home.

I remember as a teenager being so angry, so lost, so afraid and so alone. I told God I didn’t believe and would rather serve satan than him.

I remember being trapped in my bed as demons tore at me, unable to scream, unable to move.

I remember the freedom and peace and joy I felt when I gave my heart, my life to Jesus.

I remember telling him over and over that he could do whatever he wanted with me.

I remember yelling at him, rejecting his commands. Medicating the pain he wanted to heal and never again saying he could do what he wanted with me.

I remember being rejected in love over and over. Coming to believe no one could.

I remember meeting her. Seeing her smile. Knowing I was done. Knowing she would never love me and I would never stop loving her.

I remember, despite my inner protests, she said ‘yes’. And then, ‘I do’.

I remember children and fighting and leaving and coming home and more children and fighting and leaving and coming home. And being so, so tired.

And I remember falling on my face and asking God to forgive me and help me with the mess I’d made.

And I remember healing and joy and love.

So much love.

And yes, though I got lost, God brought me home again.

Smiling

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Discipleship, EncouragementLeave a comment

He walked by me.

I smiled and said hello.

But he isn’t one of the people I like. He isn’t a hard worker. He doesn’t make me laugh. He does things I dislike or don’t agree with. He is different.

And so my smile was fake. The hello was fake.

GOD NO!

It is my belief that, if we could see things clearly, one of the most deleterious effects of this pandemic is the loss of the smile. Covered up by a mask, socially distant.

So when I don’t have a mask on and I see someone, please God, let my smile be real!

I know I have stresses and things are not easy right now. But I am a man of God, called to LOVE OTHERS because You first loved someone like me.

It’s not so hard. I want it to come naturally. Even for a scruffy old man like me.

Help me smile.

Too Loud

On By hawkinsm6In Christian Living, Christianity, Discipleship, Encouragement, SpiritualLeave a comment

I married a girl who leans toward the shy. I grew up in a family that talks loud, argues loud, laughs loud. The only time I’m quiet is when I’m really angry (or I’m asleep).

Over the years, one of her chief complaints is that I talk too loud.

Bear that in mind with the following:

As the world becomes more fractured and divided against itself, we need to be louder.

And be prepared, as the voice of love, the voices of truth and grace and joy in the middle of trouble speak out, the world will say it’s too loud. They will want you to join their voices of hatred and anger and condemnation.

They may even tell you to be quiet or face the consequences.

Jesus said we were to, “be of good cheer,” because He overcame the world. And we overcome, “by the blood of the Lamb (Jesus) and the word of our testimony.” Revelations 12:11

I’m tired of the rhetoric. I’m sick of the way it eats at me.

And I live for the King.

Too loud?

‘Bout to get louder!