I deal with depression from time to time. Things don’t always seem to go the way I want them to. It can feel so heavy as to be unbearable. I remember the times that taking my life was a better alternative than facing one more day.
I have looked at Jesus. I have scoffed at the verse that says he was tempted in the same way I am tempted. He never knew failure. He never knew guilt and shame. And because of this, I minimized his sacrifice on the cross.
He died. Many people during the Roman occupation died, suffering for longer than Jesus did. They were beaten too, mocked, humiliated. It becomes a common theme when a ruling force ceases to value life, to respect something other.
I have looked at it differently this year. God has been teaching me.
I know what it feels like to be rejected for a job, a ministry position, a loved one. He knew the rejection of every person he had come to save. They didn’t want him.
I know shame and failure from my own sin. He knew the shame and failure of being the King of Creation and being nailed to that cross. At some moment, though he knows all things, must have hoped that his love, his miraculous power, his wisdom and grace should have been enough to reach the world. But it wasn’t. His closest friends denied him.
And then I think about the weight of what I carry, the burdens I carry. Then I multiply by the number of people living right now and add that to those that lived before, knowing that I am not alone in what crushes me. And in that moment on the cross, I see him lifting that weight. Not just the weight of the crossbeam of the cross but the weight of guilt and shame, the weight of failure and sin, the weight of hatred and lust and fear and every sin under the sun.
I see my Hero standing up under what would crush the rest of us. And not only did he lift it once, he carried it and HE DEFEATED IT!!!
Amazing, truly awesome!
He did it all to set us free from it. No one could do what He did. I can not loose the chains that have bound me. But He can, He did.
I don’t even know what the proper, appropriate response to this should be. My singing, my dancing, my bended knees, my clapping and every note I could ever play, my life is not enough.
I will give it anyway. It is all that I have.