What started me on this journey of writing over these years was a belief that our real struggle in life is in what we believe. Not what we intellectually assent to, but what we believe in our core. I have sought to write about things that challenge the way I feel about the circumstances life throws at me.
I believe that this journey has lead me to a deeper place of faith, a place where what I believe about my God, what I know about His love for me, is greater than it was three years ago.
So what do I do with that?
How do I act and live and love in return if He loves me so much and believes in me as much as He does?
I have learned to be bolder, to act as though I have power and life to give to my world. I protect myself less and others more. I am learning to do ridiculous things, request things pray for things that I have no business doing or asking for. I find myself leading more and following less.
My knees are still knocking, and my heart still beats to fast. I still remind myself that I’m too old, too broken, too stupid, too worthless, but I move anyway. I hear the condemnation from my enemy and the ridicule from those who are broken like me, but I step out.
What’s coming next? I’m not sure.
But, I believe.