Coward

I can be totally immobilized by fear.

Seriously!

The one time I went into combat, we heard shots in the distance and I laid down and went to sleep.

When I know that my family must have the best from me, that I must make the decision to stand and be counted, I lock up.

Fear can just paralyze me.

Today, I found myself feeling that way.  Locked up, couldn’t think.  My wife grabbed my hand and prayed.

She prayed for courage and wisdom and her prayer went straight through me, into me, surrounding me.

Was it her voice?  The words she chose?  The touch of her hand?

Those were ingredients in the process, I’m sure.  But they can’t take credit for the power that welled up inside me.

Jesus loves me.  He loves my wife and family.  He’s on my side and He actually doesn’t care how perfect I am.  He knows me.

As Paul said, we find that His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  We seem surprised by that.  Like, maybe it shouldn’t be that way.  Maybe His strength should show up when we are strong, when we are doing great, when we are on fire.

But, His Kingdom is much more like a wife who holds her failing husband’s hand and admits the need for more of Him.  

His Kingdom is more like He’s at the center of it than we are.

And in that, even I can be brave.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Coward

  1. Bill Hawkins

    WOW! Keep telling the truth like this! Maybe truth-telling is your strength! I am ministered to by hearing thoughts like this!

      1. Bill Hawkins

        But truth-telling, especially at this level, is NOT something all of us who follow Jesus often indulge in. We deny, we re-wrap, we blame others, etc., etc. It is extremely refreshing to hear bare-naked truth. When we do, we see ourselves (one way or the other) and we begin to grow again. Thank you for this kind of word!

  2. Bruce

    Thank you for your down-to-earth honesty and humility. I can relate to that fear paralysis. What a great reminder that it’s 100% God and 0% me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s