i am struggling. Once again, I’m hit with how life isn’t turning out the way I wanted it to. Once again, I’m facing the question of what or who do I believe in.
Many years ago, I said “yes” to God. I told the Lord He could do whatever He wanted to with me. I belonged to Him then and I belong to Him now.
He didn’t make me famous, or wealthy, or powerful. He didn’t give me a pastorate, allow me to be on staff at a church, or give me some other ministry to run. He did not make me successful in business, in science or in any form of public arena.
Now, I made my mistakes. I have fought Him so hard on things that maybe He wanted me to do. I held on to my sins, my addictions, even my shame in a way that hindered much of what He wanted to do. I take ownership of that. That is on me.
Now my future stands before me. I can’t see the end or know what lies around the corner. I have a choice. I can believe that God hates me, that He’s ignoring me, that He doesn’t even exist. I can trust in my own power, make my own way, forfeit all that is good in my life.
Or, I can say, “yes, Lord.”