i am struggling. Once again, I’m hit with how life isn’t turning out the way I wanted it to. Once again, I’m facing the question of what or who do I believe in.
Many years ago, I said “yes” to God. I told the Lord He could do whatever He wanted to with me. I belonged to Him then and I belong to Him now.
He didn’t make me famous, or wealthy, or powerful. He didn’t give me a pastorate, allow me to be on staff at a church, or give me some other ministry to run. He did not make me successful in business, in science or in any form of public arena.
Now, I made my mistakes. I have fought Him so hard on things that maybe He wanted me to do. I held on to my sins, my addictions, even my shame in a way that hindered much of what He wanted to do. I take ownership of that. That is on me.
Now my future stands before me. I can’t see the end or know what lies around the corner. I have a choice. I can believe that God hates me, that He’s ignoring me, that He doesn’t even exist. I can trust in my own power, make my own way, forfeit all that is good in my life.
Or, I can say, “yes, Lord.”
YES LORD!
The Healing Worshipper 
After reading your post I went on with my morning bible study which also includes reading from one of my daily devotional “Under the Shadow of the Almighty”. What I have copied below was from today’s reading. I thought it fit your post so well that I wanted to share it with you. Keep trusting in our Lord our Beloved! and remember Peter’s wisest words ever spoken in John 6:66-69 ESV After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”
Live for My Purpose
Behold, I create all things. I am a God of abundant life, and there is nothing out of My grasp. The multitude in My storehouse is infinite, and My provision for you is always sufficient. Rely on My abundance while keeping humility in your heart. For I will certainly never give you more than you can bear—neither in hardship nor in blessing. I will prepare your heart for My blessing, that you can handle it with exceedingly abundant joy. But be satisfied with such things as I give you. While you wait for the seasons of blessing, do not be tempted, out of lust for worldly gain, to take riches for yourself. I have not appointed you to be rich in this life but to live richly toward Me. Then, when all things are fulfilled, I will make you eternally rich in the heavenly places with Me. Pile up for yourself heavenly treasure. Live for My purpose. For where your treasure is, your heart will be also. If I am your jewel, and your treasure is with Me, then your heart will be with Me also. Make Me, therefore, the centerpiece of your life. Prepare to obey My Spirit always, listening to even the most subtle whispers. Cherish My words and love them as you love Me. As I have said before, every word comes from the abundance of the heart. Even so, My words come from My heart for you. If you cherish My words and obey them, then you will be cherishing My heart.
Scripture for Thought
“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” Hebrews 13:5 “Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” 1 Timothy 6:6–10
Houge, Adam (2014-12-14). Under the Shadow of the Almighty (Kindle Locations 943-951). . Kindle Edition.