She would rather not be noticed by anyone. She doesn’t seek accolades, recognition, or anything beyond the knowledge that she serves. She is so uncomfortable with eyes focusing on her that she avoids the front of a room.

He is not the same.

He thinks it is nice to be noticed but he doesn’t care if you see him or not. He will speak out in a crowd (sometimes quite loudly) without thought for whether the crowd is bothered by him or not. He intentionally seeks the front because that is where the “action” is.

And that is just one of the issues that has made our married life so interesting. She still cringes every time I open my mouth. It bothers her. I would rather speak out, be involved, play the game, than sit in the bleachers.

We drive each other crazy.

I hear a lot today about people separating because they have issues. “I just need time to myself so I can work on me.” I will probably offend some counsellors or psychiatrists, but I disagree with this. First of all, I don’t see it in scripture. Second, my experience has taught me that if left to myself, I won’t change. The issues I really struggle with can be buried, medicated, glossed over in every environment except marriage.

I look back over my life sometimes and think how good a Christian I seemed to be before I got married. I think of the evil that has come out over the years we’ve shared together, and I do mean evil, wicked, selfish sin. I would never have grown past myself without this woman that challenges everything I say, every thought I hold dear. Some people, some Christians, over the years have said we shouldn’t have to deal with the pain the other one has caused. No one should have to put up with someone acting that way. But God was there and we stayed together.

Proverbs talks about “Iron sharpening iron.” And we think that is some interesting metaphor for exhorting one another. But, it is actually talking about two rough, brittle pieces of metal that smash into each other, knocking off the dull places, the burs and the rusted spots. It is talking about friction that heats the metal, that goes against the expected norms.

Seinfeld fans will remember the episode when George didn’t want his girlfriend hanging out with his friends. “Worlds collide,” he shouted. But that is marriage, that is friendship.

That is life.