He is jealous for me,
loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
bending beneath the weight of His wind
All of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions
Eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me
I sang those words tonight, sang them with everything that is in me. But do I believe them? Do I live them in such a way that would lead me to leap off of a cliff in expectation of His arms beneath me?
Quite honestly, I don’t think I do. The season I am in has me reeling as I find myself with no options but to wait on God. I have done what needed to be done. I have been faithful in what God has given me and nothing is turning out right.
I need a job. I have not had steady, life-supporting work since April. Because of trying to work, I have no unemployment, no insurance, and no where else to turn. Our finances, our utilities, our home are all threatened and life feels like it is on shaky ground.
Do you know that there is no better place to be?
Time to put up or shut up. When you can not depend on anyone but Jesus, you realize that you never could depend on anyone but Him. I realize that all along, I was really dependent on myself. And that is a bad place to be.
That is not my home, my refuge. That is not the rock I would build my house on.
He is my strong tower. He is my refuge, my fortress.