He is jealous for me,
loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
bending beneath the weight of His wind
and Mercy
All of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions
Eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me
I sang those words tonight, sang them with everything that is in me. But do I believe them? Do I live them in such a way that would lead me to leap off of a cliff in expectation of His arms beneath me?
Quite honestly, I don’t think I do. The season I am in has me reeling as I find myself with no options but to wait on God. I have done what needed to be done. I have been faithful in what God has given me and nothing is turning out right.
I need a job. I have not had steady, life-supporting work since April. Because of trying to work, I have no unemployment, no insurance, and no where else to turn. Our finances, our utilities, our home are all threatened and life feels like it is on shaky ground.
Do you know that there is no better place to be?
Time to put up or shut up. When you can not depend on anyone but Jesus, you realize that you never could depend on anyone but Him. I realize that all along, I was really dependent on myself. And that is a bad place to be.
That is not my home, my refuge. That is not the rock I would build my house on.
He is my strong tower. He is my refuge, my fortress.
The Healing Worshipper 
Matthew, I was reading John 18 a couple of days. It’s where Jesus is arrested and Peter cuts the ear off of the servant. and Jesus tells him to put his sword away and His next words are what struck me–“Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?”, It helped me because I’ve been going through some real pain and the question of “Why?” and “Why now?” and “Is it because of some sin in my life?” is so easy to ask, but we know through God’s Word that He is in control and for some reason, He has chosen this time for us to be going through this dark, dark valley, so the question is, “Shall I not drink the cup my Father has given me?”.
Another thing I have thought about recently is that through this time it is very hard to see that God is working in our lives–it’s so easy to just see the pain. Yesterday I thought of the movie ‘Force 10 From Navarone’. I’m not sure whether you have seen it or not, but long story short they are behind enemy lines during WWII and they need to get rid of a bridge and their ballistic expert decides the best thing to do is blow up a dam. Everyone is expecting this huge explosion, but it started with just creating a crack and that crack gave way to water that finally destroyed the dam and ran down the river and destroyed the bridge. Everyone was mad at first because they thought he was an idiot but he knew what he was doing and how it was supposed to work and just kept telling them to wait. I sort of think that’s what God is doing right now. We don’t see Him working and if we do, it might just seem like such a tiny crack and what good is that going to do for anything? We want big. We want this season to be over. We want victory. We will have it, but for now He is saying, “Wait”. And that is the hardest thing to do.
I love you and will continue praying for you. I don’t know what God has in mind, but once it starts to break loose, watch out. Praying for special blessings on you tonight.
Have you ever considered blogging. You had some great things to say. Thank you.