I said the wrong thing, again. I did the wrong thing, again. And once again, I need forgiveness.
I was aggravated, tired, pushed. I lashed out in anger, my tongue cutting through a peaceful evening with harsh, hateful words.
“Forgive and forget.”
Isn’t that what we say when we want someone to do what we were incapable of? Isn’t that what we say when we’ve done what we knew we shouldn’t do?
And what does it mean anyway? Can I forget your offenses against me? Often it is those memories that trigger my offense against you. So often, it is the wound in my heart that causes me to wield the sword against you.
We live life together and inherent to our relationship is the constant offense of my person on you. I steal your food. I drink your water. I breathe your air. I may steal the covers, eat the last bit of your favorite dish and keep from you that moment of quiet, that moment alone.
But those are easy to forgive. Or are they?
Maybe, the outbursts of our anger toward each other are the inevitable outcome of our grasping at all that we’ve lost to this life. Maybe, my unforgiveness is the result of all the times I could have really loved you, but I didn’t. In small ways, in easy things, I held onto self, I kept from you my heart.
Please forgive me…