I got fired.  I now work a job that pays me less than half of what I was making before.  I work physically hard at a time when I should probably be thinking about slowing down.

But that isn’t what God has lead me to at this point.

Is it fair?  Yeah, I think it might be.  I don’t exactly (understatement) deserve any of the blessings God has given.  I’ve made some choices that have lead me to this point.  Many of them were even the right decisions, but I still get to deal with the consequences. Is it cruel?  Pretty sure that it isn’t much fun.  I am hurting both in body and soul.  I wonder again whether God will ever let me work full time for a church and it hurts to think I might not.  Is it confusing?  More than I can express.  The only way I can write is to stay up late or get up early.  I then pay for it through the day because I didn’t get near enough sleep.  But I want to write.  I think God wants me to write.  So why do I find myself in a situation where it is so difficult.  I want to worship.  I want to play and sing.  But so much is being stripped away.

I was driving my truck today through rural Michigan.  I must admit that I have never loved Michigan.  I hate the winters.  There are no mountains, no great rivers, no vast forests that I love so much.  It is just, well, Michigan.  But today I was driving down a country road. I came over a rise and the farm land spread out before me.  A beautiful lake then appeared to my left and the view was just breathtaking.  I found my heart loving the world, the land, the life around me.

And in that moment, I felt carried.  I was lifted above my circumstances.  And it was good.

It didn’t pay my bills.  It didn’t really change a thing.  But, my friend, when He holds you up, changing things around you doesn’t matter so much anymore.