I got fired. I now work a job that pays me less than half of what I was making before. I work physically hard at a time when I should probably be thinking about slowing down.
But that isn’t what God has lead me to at this point.
Is it fair? Yeah, I think it might be. I don’t exactly (understatement) deserve any of the blessings God has given. I’ve made some choices that have lead me to this point. Many of them were even the right decisions, but I still get to deal with the consequences. Is it cruel? Pretty sure that it isn’t much fun. I am hurting both in body and soul. I wonder again whether God will ever let me work full time for a church and it hurts to think I might not. Is it confusing? More than I can express. The only way I can write is to stay up late or get up early. I then pay for it through the day because I didn’t get near enough sleep. But I want to write. I think God wants me to write. So why do I find myself in a situation where it is so difficult. I want to worship. I want to play and sing. But so much is being stripped away.
I was driving my truck today through rural Michigan. I must admit that I have never loved Michigan. I hate the winters. There are no mountains, no great rivers, no vast forests that I love so much. It is just, well, Michigan. But today I was driving down a country road. I came over a rise and the farm land spread out before me. A beautiful lake then appeared to my left and the view was just breathtaking. I found my heart loving the world, the land, the life around me.
And in that moment, I felt carried. I was lifted above my circumstances. And it was good.
It didn’t pay my bills. It didn’t really change a thing. But, my friend, when He holds you up, changing things around you doesn’t matter so much anymore.