Worry seems to be taking over my life. So many things that I can’t control. So many things that are happening that I don’t like or want. I’m glad that God has brought me past the point of becoming angry over so many things. But I still worry.
I hear people telling me that worry accomplishes nothing. That worry is a lack of faith. That things I worry about will most likely never happen. All of it true. And all of it is the underlying reason why I worry.
I worry because there is nothing I can do. This in itself is a humanistic belief that I have stood on for way too long. I can fix this. I can make this better. But I can’t and so many of my efforts make things worse.
I worry because I don’t think God will do anything. His timing is so off from mine. I see problems escalating – no job, no money, bills unpaid, lose house, starving family – and He seems unmoved, unfluttered. And sometimes, despite my prayers and fasting, despite my cries for help, He appears silent.
I worry because the things I worry about may not happen. I’m old enough to know that there are consequences for bad behavior, that sin is still at work in this world, that people do stupid things, that I will fail again and again. What I am not experienced enough to know is what those consequences will be, what destruction sin will visit on those I love, who will die because of stupid, ridiculous actions, what will be ruined because of me.
I love in Hebrews 12 when it says, “… we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…” I can’t control much of anything in this world. But I can do that. Fix my eyes on the one who is strong enough, wise enough, patient enough, wonderful enough. When I don’t understand, I can fix my eyes on the one who does and choose to believe that He loves me.
And when I can’t fix my eyes on anything because I’m too afraid, too discouraged, too defeated, I can trust in Him to lift my eyes up, pour His Spirit into me, and make me a warrior once again.
Because He does love me and He’s not finished with me yet.