I Think He’s Dead…

No, I’m not.

I’m tired.  I’m discouraged.  I’m beat up.  I’m hurt.


Do you realize the freedom and power in those words?  And, the pervasive truth?  The world, satan, my own flesh would like me to act as though I’m dead, to lay down, quit, give up, stop fighting the battles you’re never going to win.

But I’ll tell you a little secret.  Come closer.  I don’t want anyone to hear this…..


I bet you’re wondering how I can say this in the face of monumental decision catastrophes and an almost maniacal adherence to failure.  The absolute truth is, my life is not dependent on me.

Some people, probably none that would ever read this blog, charge forward knowing every decision they make is the right one.  They write books on “being a better you” and “making the most of every opportunity”.  Some even add the aspect of faith to their claims.  “Step out in faith” with the claim that you can ask for anything and God will give it to you if you have enough faith.

I’m not like that.  I’m a coward where God is concerned, and typically, only step out on faith in myself, which is ridiculous since I’ve proven singularly untrustworthy.  But God…

Another powerful set of words… BUT GOD!

God is good.  He takes this heart of stone and replaces it with a heart of flesh.  He takes my head of stone and replaces it with something more functional also.  He takes every failing effort, every step in the wrong direction and uses it to bring glory to Himself.  He takes my striving, pitiful offerings and uses them, divides them, shares them with hearts that can weed out the useless drivel and find nuggets of love and truth.

And even if He doesn’t, hear this, listen please, I’m not dead.  He hasn’t given up on the potential that He saw in me when He called me to be His kid.  He has given me another second to live, to breathe, to touch, to speak.

He’s given the same to you.

PS:  Missed blogging for a week because of crazy work, church schedules.  My apologies.


One thought on “I Think He’s Dead…

  1. Pat Hawkins

    I’m not dead yet, either. As I read your words I know that the burden I have to constantly hold you up in prayer is very important – hold you up to God who is able to do all I wish I could do! God bless and keep you always, Mom

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