I was working second shift at the factory. Busting out car radiators at about eight hundred an hour. Oh the boys loved to laugh at me. “What’s your degree in?” I wasn’t even a full employee. I worked for a little over minimum wage, killing myself to do a good job and try to get hired in. Where was God in this? They loved to laugh at my christianity to. They were having sex, partying, getting drunk every night, buying all the bling they could get. All I did was work as many hours as I could, till they would tell me to go home, so that I could keep my family together.
“God, what is going on?” I would ask. I wanted to serve Him. I felt called to full-time ministry. I truly believed in Him and His ability to act on my behalf. Why was I now faced first with unemployment and then a job that was so far out of my realm, my desires, my hopes and dreams.
I still remember walking through the parking lot on a cold winter night. “Lord, I need to know You are here. This just doesn’t make sense. Can You talk with me and let me know I’m doing the right thing?” Then it came like a rushing wave, surrounding me, rising up inside of me. “I AM HERE!”
I still hear the words of doubt. I still feel fear and know my wretched heart. I can’t see past the circumstances that surround me. But I can trust Him in this. I can put my life in His hands because my God is not dead. “He lives within my heart….”