How Did I Get Here?

When I started out with Jesus I had this idea of what I would look like later in life.  I knew who I would marry and the children we would have.  I believed that I would train horses and work on a farm or camp setting.  It would have to be outside because there was no way I could stand not seeing sunshine or feeling the wind on my face.  I would be an evangelist that spoke to large crowds and droves would come forward at my altar calls.  I would sing and write songs that sold millions with people all over the world knowing my name.  I am so ashamed to write this down and since this is a blog and not a book I will stop there.  You get the idea.

Wow, I was supposed to be great!

I did not marry the girl.  My children do not look like or act like how I envisioned.  I have not trained a horse in 20 years.  I work in an environmentally controlled setting where I may not see the sun for days during the winter and only feel the wind when I walk out the door.  I have never spoken to large crowds and have led only a handful of people to my Jesus.  I have written songs that very few people have heard and have yet to sell one of them.  And I’m a nobody.

But here is a good place.  Oh I see that my “dreams” didn’t come true.  I didn’t dream big enough.  My plans all failed because I had me at the center.  God’s plans worked out just fine.

My wife is so precious and better than I ever could’ve hoped for.  My boys are taller, stronger, more talented than I could’ve imagined.  My daughter has a heart, a compassion that takes my breath away.  I am involved in research and get to lead kid’s in worship.  I belong, key word belong, to a church that teaches the truth and lives for Jesus and His kingdom.  And I am priviledged to be allowed to share my life with you.

I am convinced that the critical issue for people that would follow God is not what we will do, what we will accomplish for Him.  There is so much dissatisfaction, so much disappointment in following that motivation.  The addictive behaviors that ruled my life for so many years were really the result of wanting to do more, wanting to be more and knowing that I could never measure up (hence the need to “feel better”).  What has brought healing and life to my crusty old soul was coming to a place where I am content.  Content that I am loved and that God will do what He wants with me.  Content to serve Him and be His child.  Content to let Him be God!

I’m not sure how I got here.  I know I’ve got other places I still need to be.  But Lord, this is good!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s