I Don’t Feel So Good

As I look around the world and see the ever present scourge of depression that manifests itself through addictions, mental disorders and suicide.  When I see families torn apart by divorce, infidelity, abuse, neglect and even incest.  And when I gaze on my own heart as I rise and fall, succeed for a moment and then fail.  I can’t help but see a correlation between these struggles.  There is a deafening cry, “Make me feel better!”

I have long wrestled with addiction and sin and have come to the realization that the point of my downfall is that moment when I decide I would rather “feel” better, even if only for a moment, than do what I know is right.  The sadness that seems to reach down into my soul becomes overwhelming in its need to be assuaged.  The pattern seems to be set before it even begins with the resulting “crash” a foregone conclusion.

Worship can enter this realm and become, at least in my opinion, akin to taking the Lord’s name in vain.  Consider this:  Do I sing songs at church because it makes me feel better?  Do I listen to the pastor or pay my tithe salve my broken soul?  Do I allow my hands to droop by my sides because I can no longer raise them in praise to my God?  If you answer yes to these questions, then it bears self-analysis, a heart check to determine whether worship has become a thing you do to feel better.

If we look at the bible, we see so much that is written to encourage us, to lift up our hearts.  But worship is not about us feeling better.  Not even considering that the goal of “feeling better” is transient and often unattainable.  Our lives, lives intended to be in a constant state of worship, are designed to glorify God, to praise His holiness and awesome power.  Because of the fact that God doesn’t change, His attributes, His glory do not alter, we can only find life when we honor Him regardless of how we feel.  And, I believe that in this, when we let go of our need to “feel better” we will find the presence of God is more than enough to give us joy – something that can not be taken away.

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