As I listened to the worship band this past week it hit me once again, “why am I not up there playing?” I’m a pretty good musician and have lead worship many times in many venues but here I sit (well stand I guess). I have read over other sites that ask for input from participants and so much of what they say comes from right where I am. Many of us are old, many are women (though there are more men). They are guitarists, keyboardists, vocalists, bassists and I’m pretty sure at least one was a didjeridoo virtuoso. But they all sounded the same to me. “Why can’t I do more? Why won’t this church hire me? Today’s society just wants blah, blah, blah.” It begs the question, “where is God?” And how about, “Can He get me where I need to be? Does He care?” What motivates us to worship a God who allows us to be rejected, ignored, replaced, hated?
I submit to you, my friends, that He is worthy of worship. I purpose to enlighten and encourage you (and me) with ideas and snippets from my stumbling walk as to how He has moved and loved me. He has done this despite my constant complaining and arguing, leading me to a place of hope and fulfillment, though it is not where I would’ve chosen to go.
Maybe this will help you in your walk too.
The Healing Worshipper 
Pingback: Today is the first day… | The Bitter Worshipper
I have never ‘blogged’ before, but this is a topic I really feel at this time fits me. The last month has been pretty horrendous what with personal things (rushing husband to hospital–wondering if this time he would be called home, my own back injury that has left me incapacitated now for over 2 weeks) and the spiritual (problems at church–ministry being ridiculed; pastor resigning; congregation split in 2) and financial.
All I want is to please Jesus, but I read you saying about the complaining and arguing and, man, I’m there. I know I should be trusting Him to lead through all this, but I know I don’t. I want to go deeper with Him, so I can finally leave fear behind. How? I hear the Lord telling me to praise Him through it all. I want to–I have a good day of listening to praise and then a week where I say I am praising Him through it but the words are hollow. I know I am lying.
Not sure is this is the kind of stuff that should be here, but…
I’d like to share a little testimony with you about my own ex
As a college/working student-I get this. I will share my thoughts to you, if you want to hear them.
I have come to a big realization that God has you where YOU need to be-even if it makes no sense. As workers and doers, our desperate desire to serve God can sometimes blind us to the simple fact that God does not need us to do stuff for Him; He lovingly chooses to empower us to fulfill His will (whether it be discipleship or evangelism). He desires a relationship first, and sometimes it is in those periods of plateaus that we are brought closer to Him.
You have God-given talents for a purpose. You also have a purpose as a person to have a close, awesome relationship with the one true God. He has you where you should be at the moment. Take the time to search His Word, and pray for discernment of the situation.
I wish you the best.
I respond as a pastor who knows of so many churches across the country that would love to know about creative, pro-active musicians. Perhaps the ministry God has for you isn’t the mega-church that worships with Christian Radio cover songs. Perhaps there is a small church down the road that is praying for a great musician who is willing to play for a blended service, incorporating old traditional hymns, great praise choruses and some rarely heard or newly composed indie Christian music. I’m a musician as well and I know the thoughts that you describe. When they creep in I remind myself that it’s not about me. Offer your gifts in the most unlikely places with no expectations. See the joy in the faces of those who needed to hear your music on that day. Then you will know the peace of Christ. “Be still and know that I am God.”
There’s a subtle difference between ‘Does God want me?’ and ‘Does the corporate church want me?’. I’ve run into these same feelings myself a few times, although probably not to the extreme that you’re talking about. Instead of looking for ways to get hired by the church, I would suggest looking for ways that God is moving you. It might appear unusual or weird and you may never feel the support of a congregation, but as a Christ-follower, God wants you for something. Remember the parable of the talents – gifts are not to be buried in the ground.
Some examples; after-school music lessons for young people, or a music ministry to homeless people, or a nursing home – there are so many ways you can use music to break down barriers outside of church. I’m probably a hypocrite in some ways to say this, but I would channel that bitterness into pursuing a new avenue, and don’t give up. Perseverance produces character, character produces hope.
Can’t wait to hear where God will lead you!
The other question it raises is, “what am I looking for, God’s will or the ‘churches’ will?” I can adjust my attitude, personality, looks, giftings to fit what a church wants or I can submit all of me to the God who has a plan for me. Like Steven Curtis Chapman says, “No better place on earth, than the road that leads to heaven.” That means that even if no one ever looks at me and sees anything of value, my God already has and I better let Him make the calls for what I do with what He has entrusted to me.